You're so nebulous sometimes
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
