It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
