you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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