im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
