if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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