its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
