My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
