Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Randomize