So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
