From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize