the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
