Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
