You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
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