Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
