No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize