I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
