Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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