Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
