i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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