Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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