Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Moan for me like Helen Keller
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
