So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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