Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
