what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize