We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
