At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
