Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
