I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
