i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
