"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize