Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
