And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
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