the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize