My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
well you can't waste a boner
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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