I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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