we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
