I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
This baby is an asshole
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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