i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
