It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
