I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
