and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
