i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
