Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
sarcasm needs its own font
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
