just tell him i said nine months
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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