i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
