You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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