There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
