I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
