just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Randomize
