I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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