i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
