Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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