He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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