It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Panties = found
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
