Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
