I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Sext me about skeletons
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
