you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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