I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
