I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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