im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize