omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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