I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
