break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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