She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
