I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
