I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
