a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
