and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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