even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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