who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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