He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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