he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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