does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
