I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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