yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
