if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
