so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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