My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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