Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
