ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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