I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Bring me that man meat
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
