What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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