he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
