i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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