so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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