you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
