How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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