My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
