I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
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