Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
