May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
