nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize