I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
