Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
