You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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