I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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