i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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