ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
