You don't have asthma, your pregnant
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
