Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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