ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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