so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize