and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
