I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
