would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
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