This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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