I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
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